I know that this is not in the spirit of my advent post but I need to get it off my chest.
I, like everyone else am appalled, shocked and totally devastated by the mindless shooting in America yesterday. I can totally imagine how those parents feel and I know what lies ahead. What I also know from bitter experience is that the last thing a bereaved parent needs to hear is that you’ll “hug your kids tighter” after hearing of their loss. Wtf?? In what way would that offer comfort to someone? Unless you were previously mistreating your kids or subjecting them to a life of servitude, it is of no consequence to me whether you will cuddle your kids more for ten minutes then carry on with your day. I’m so shocked that the president of the country was so ill advised as to say this was a fitting way to remember these poor children, I’d have thought a ban on deadly weapons was a much more appropriate gesture.
If you are not a bereaved parent you’ll likely not know that this is one of the most bandied about platitudes going in these situations and it is also the most insensitive and crass comments that shows absolutely no compassion or empathy whatsoever. Please, please avoid it and if possible, could you spread the word?
Sorry for the rant, normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

By judesmum

4 comments on “Inappropriate

  1. I believe the president’s remarks were to bring comfort to the rest of the citizens, not to the victims’ parents. You are right, of course, it is an insanely insensitive thing to say to a bereaved parent and I sincerely wish people wouldn’t do it. I still have people comment with that on the blog, as if that’s going to make me feel better about my loss. UGH!

    I hope you are doing well. This time of year can really suck. There’s no other word for it.


    • I agree that there’s a big difference between saying it to a bereaved parent but I just wished he’d thought of something else to say or just avoided using that phrase. I wish he’d checked with Biden.

      Christmas is okay so far, I hope it stays that way. I taking a leaf out of your book and counting my blessings (sparklies for your fancy nancy Hannah)
      I hope you guys are looking forward to it, your house looks amazing!!

      • I have discovered on this journey of ours that folks are really stupid when it comes to saying something to a bereaved parent. I try to cut them slack because they really have no clue what to say and what’s appropriate, and I realize they’re just trying to give comfort. A phrase that ALWAYS pissed me off (still does) that seems innocuous is, “You’re so strong!” No. No I’m not. But, I have NO choice. Are you suggesting that I loved my child less than you love yours because I’m up and doing things and going about my life and that you think you would just curl up in the fetal position and die if it happened to you?? GR. But, it’s not intended with malice, it’s intended to be complimentary. Like I said, people can be stupid.

        Thank you for your kind words about my house. I figure if I can surround myself with holiday splendor maybe I’ll feel it. ๐Ÿ˜‰ As for those sparklies, have at it! I find that if I can find even one good thing in my day, that’s something. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Judes mum, I couldn’t agree more, and have to say, I was more than a little surprised that Obama used this phrase. I have yet to hear it and not think ‘smug’. Maybe with the election behind him, and four years to go, he can do something really meaningful, like address the ease with which a human being, if they so choose, can gain access to the means to devastate the lives of so many. It took Dunblane for it to happen here; how many more of these mass shootings will it take for America to take preventative steps, or is the gun lobby’s political clout so far reaching?
    Remembering your family this Christmas, Fiona, and especially your beautiful Jude on his first anniversary. I hope it passes peacefully.
    With love

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