Exposure

I follow a lot of blogs these days. Most of them are by parents who have lost a child. There are lots of reasons that I read them but mainly it’s to measure my progress along this journey. The root cause of my pain can’t be resolved but I decided early on that I had to survive this process so I follow the blogs of people who are living their lives and surviving, I really do think there’s an element of choice in that.
One of the blogs I read is written by a lovely lady in America who lost her eldest daughter in a tragic accident. Early on in her journey she started to record the milestones and sparklies in her days. It’s such a powerful thing to recognise your little victories and achievements whilst you’re in the middle of unimaginable emotional pain. This blog has inspired me to recognise some of the things I’ve done this year that in January I never thought possible.

Doing the school run alone
Going on holiday without Jude
Going to Alton Towers
Laughing (and meaning it)
Eating pizza
Surviving his birthday
Going back to Aviemore
Sitting in the park listening to tales of primary one children

I don’t expect I’ll ever have that sense of real contentment again but under the circumstances I’d say I’m doing quite well. That’s a huge thing to be thankful for.

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By judesmum

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