My boy Jude

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We have been overwhelmed by the kindness of people who’ve sent cards and presents for Marley. People that we hardly know have sent us gifts , cards and knitted little hats, cardigans and shawls for her. I know that a lot of this is to do with Jude. I know that people are so pleased for us that we have little Marley in our lives. What has been even more touching is the amount of references to Jude that people have made. People have asked if she’s looks like him, they’ve talked about what a contented baby he was and our lovely neighbours mentioned that they remembered the night we brought Jude home when he was a baby. It’s so strange the people who just “get it”.
Every time I come away from a chat where Jude is mentioned I feel lighter and more settled. I am not over the death of my baby boy and I never will be so the mention of his name doesn’t remind me that he died, it lets me know that people remember that he lived.

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By judesmum

The little sister

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Jude and Isla’s little sister, Marley Grace.
Born 5th October.
We are all so happy to meet her and wish so much that Jude was here too.

By judesmum

Not brave…surviving

I like to think that I’m a pretty reasonable person.  I don’t generally rush to judge people and I don’t have unrealistically high expectations of others.

Why, then, is it bothering me so much when people tell me that if they were in my position they wouldn’t be here?

I understand the sentiment, I’ve often thought it myself when I’ve heard about some tragedy on the news.  “How do those families carry on?”
But then there is the underlying insinuation that somehow you love your child less, otherwise surely your heart would spontaneously stop at the same time as theirs?

I’ve heard it a few times in different ways and it really seems to depend who it comes from.  From our friends, I realise that they know me and they know that I’m not great with sharing my feelings.  I also know that they are in no doubt that Jude and Isla are the very core of my life.  So when they say I’m being brave, I understand it and I know they realise that it’s difficult all the time.  However, when the lady who lives in the next street casually laments that if it were her she’d not be standing, I’d like to ram my fist down her throat.  Yes, I realise that doesn’t paint a picture of a reasonable person who doesn’t rush to judge, but hey, I don’t have unrealistic expectations of myself either.

By judesmum