Back to Life?

So, two months after my world crashed down around my ears, I have returned to work.

This has been a difficult move and  although I have very understanding colleagues, it’s difficult being away from home, from my husband and daughter and from all things related to Jude.

Day one saw me changing my screen saver so that I wouldn’t be surprised by the picture of him on his first day of school, or cuddling his sister at the park.  I can’t have him there yet.  I need to be strong there.  If I cry at work, I’ll never stop.


By judesmum

3 comments on “Back to Life?

  1. Hiya,
    Just found your blog on Netmums and wanted to send you my condolences. I’m so sorry for your loss…I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Sending you a hug and lots of love xxx

  2. Dear Fiona
    I don’t understand the concept of ‘like’ for blogs, but I have solely joined this blog network so I could write you this note. I was just ‘wandering’ on the internet this morning and came across your words. I was so touched by what you have written about your son Jude and so saddened by your pain. I haven’t lost a child like you in the truest sense, but I have lost one to the curse of ‘living’ autism and I really do feel some of your pain. There is nothing anyone can say that will help, I know that, but maybe just knowing someone across the internet is wishing you peace and strength will help your journey for today. X

  3. Well done for going back to work. I think you’ve done incredibly well to manage this so soon. When I went back, my father (who was desperately willing me to “get better”) hoped it would help bring the old me back. It didn’t. But it did fill the day, and it gave me a sense that I was doing something productive that I was “meant” to be doing, rather than sitting on Catherine’s grave and watching daytime tv. And it was sort of easier, because it helped provide a cover – because people expect you to be recovering – and it allowed me to pretend I was. But be careful it doesn’t push out your time to grieve too much – you will still need to do that too.

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