“This time last year”

I didn’t really mean to stop posting here. I didn’t make a conscious decision to stop blogging but I think I needed to step away from the virtual world for a while and make space for my grief in my real life.

Christmas time was fine. You know it really was. It was so, so much better than last year and I felt as though I’d made good progress since those early dark days. A very wise friend has observed that after the first anniversary you can no longer yearn for “this time last year”. In February last year I was quite literally in paralysed with grief.
I have come to terms with the fact that I’ll always miss my boy and I can never have him back but alongside my grief I need to move forward with my life. Losing a child is the worst thing imaginable and my life will always be coloured by the longing for Jude and the deep sadness that I can’t ever see him again but I’m not sure that writing this down over and over can help me anymore.
I’m not sure that I need to blog for myself anymore and now I need to look for ways to help people remember my boy. I hope that if you’re coming to this blog as a newly bereaved parent you can take some hope that things get easier.

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By judesmum

3 comments on ““This time last year”

  1. I was pleased to see your post. I have been reading your blog for a few months and I was worried about you over the Christmas period and lack of posts. As one parent to another, the grief never goes away, the state of grief and life in general sometimes force us to move on. Jude will always be at the forefront of your heart and thoughts. My sincere good wishes as you journey on.

  2. Beautifully put Fiona. You sound like your mental state is in a healthy place. I’m so glad we made it through last year! We can do anything now.

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