Not brave…surviving

I like to think that I’m a pretty reasonable person.  I don’t generally rush to judge people and I don’t have unrealistically high expectations of others.

Why, then, is it bothering me so much when people tell me that if they were in my position they wouldn’t be here?

I understand the sentiment, I’ve often thought it myself when I’ve heard about some tragedy on the news.  “How do those families carry on?”
But then there is the underlying insinuation that somehow you love your child less, otherwise surely your heart would spontaneously stop at the same time as theirs?

I’ve heard it a few times in different ways and it really seems to depend who it comes from.  From our friends, I realise that they know me and they know that I’m not great with sharing my feelings.  I also know that they are in no doubt that Jude and Isla are the very core of my life.  So when they say I’m being brave, I understand it and I know they realise that it’s difficult all the time.  However, when the lady who lives in the next street casually laments that if it were her she’d not be standing, I’d like to ram my fist down her throat.  Yes, I realise that doesn’t paint a picture of a reasonable person who doesn’t rush to judge, but hey, I don’t have unrealistic expectations of myself either.

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By judesmum

3 comments on “Not brave…surviving

  1. I think the word is fuckards. Yes, they are fuckards. As you say, they just mean, they can’t bear the thought of going through what we are going through. Yup – lets make their brief interaction with us all about THEIR feelings. I haven’t heard it for a while. That is because after 2 1/2 years, I am no longer going through anything horrible, of course. I am “over-it”. Just tell them they have opened up your eyes – you can see how right they are, and their insight has given you the strength to do it. :)

  2. People literally tell me that if they lost one of their children they couldn’t handle it. And, exactly, I don’t think they mean anything more than that it would rock their world. But, it HAS rocked mine…as it should. It makes me more annoyed than anything. I TOO wonder why my heart hasn’t spontaneously stopped. It makes no sense, but I have no choice but to “handle it”. The subtleties of language are so exaggerated in our ears that even the kindest meant words feel like a punch in the gut. People don’t think.

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